Quote by charles j


I used lớn get outraged at unfairness. If I saw someone getting bullied, or if my brother got the bigger piece of cake, or if the bad guy won at the over of the movie. These things would get me seriously worked up.

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It only got worse as I got older, especially once I developed Nice Guy Syndrome. No matter how good or kind or selfless or compassionate I was, other people got more rewards, recognition & success. At least, it seemed that way.

I couldn’t underst& it.

All my life I’d been told, both directly và indirectly, that the Universe is somehow balanced và fair. That for every bad there was good. For every good there was eventually reward, và for every bad there was eventually punishment.

But as the years wore on, I didn’t see karma playing out the way it was supposed khổng lồ.

The kindly yet geeky outcasts in my school didn’t go on to lớn become the Bill Gates’ of the world. They just continued to lớn get bullied and had mostly miserable lives. And the bullies seemed lớn go from one success to another.

I saw awful people win elections and stay elected. I saw murderers walk free while minor drug offenders got life sentences. I saw beautiful animals go extinct, while the human population doubled. I saw greedy companies win lawsuits and crush the small guys.

Over and over và over this unfairness played out.

And that’s just in the world around me. In my own life, once I hit adulthood, things kept going from bad khổng lồ worse. The nicer I was, the less I received. While my career did OK, my social life decayed and atrophied along with my physical health, general happiness and self-confidence.

At first, I assumed that perhaps I was a freak anomaly. I even prided myself on a kind of martyrdom – a belief that perhaps I had been especially chosen to suffer unfairly, so that others might enjoy a wonderful life. It was a story that barely worked khổng lồ keep my crushing resentment and hopelessness at cất cánh.

But then, one day, I stopped & checked in with this whole concept of fairness.

I came to realise that I had believed in fairness my entire life, yet not once had I clearly defined what fairness even meant lớn me.

Sure, I had a vague idea about balance of good and bad, yet when I poked và prodded this I came lớn realise that fairness certainly shouldn’t mean 50% bad. I wouldn’t consider a life that was half-awful & only half-good khổng lồ be fair.

This was a bit of a shoông chồng for me. I had always assumed fairness meant some kind of karmic balance; a yin-yang of good & evil. Yet when I looked closely at things I complained about as being unfair, “balance” was surprisingly absent. I might consider even a slight upmix khổng lồ be unfair, even coming off the baông chồng of a lot of wins.

I didn’t consider half the world hating me và half loving me as fair – I wanted everyone to lớn at least lượt thích me.

Having half the attempts I made fail would have sầu felt monstrously unfair khổng lồ me – I wanted perfection, or at least a better-than-average success rate.

Earning an average wage with average friends và average health seemed like an insult on my good nature – I felt like I was entitled lớn much richer rewards. But more rewards would be decidedly better than fair. So what did I really believe in?

I was shocked. Whether I looked internally at my own life or externally at the way of the world, it was clear that I did not believe in actual fairness. A balance of good & evil was not what I considered fair.

I came khổng lồ the realization that “fair” was just a word I used to lớn hide the fact that I got upmix when things didn’t go exactly my way.

Sure, I had some tolerance for failure, rejection & competition, but only if I’d win in the end. An evil that endured & beat me every time was considered unfair, even if my life was balanced overall.

When you look at fairness as balance, you’ll see that the universe is not fair, it’s actually skewed in your favour!

The fact that you’re alive is unfair on all that died (think of the plants & animals that gave their lives so you could have one more meal). And when you look at each activity you partake in on an average day, you’ll see you win nearly every battle.

Sure, the losses stvà out in your mind & are easier khổng lồ remember (this is due to a cognitive sầu bias known as the heuristic availability), but that doesn’t mean you’re losing more than you’re winning.

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If you slept in a bed without asphyxiating, showered without slipping over & breaking your hip, drove sầu lớn work without having an accident, and have sầu enough money to feed yourself và family today, you are winning by a large margin.

And this isn’t even in comparison khổng lồ the starving babies in Africa or whatever, it’s just a measurement of success vs failure inside your own life. Simply put, most of what you bởi vì succeeds, even if you don’t put a huge emphasis on certain successes.

But it still doesn’t feel fair, does it? Now, why is that?

How come we’re almost constantly winning and yet life still feels unfair?

Because fairness is an illusion, a fairytale told lớn us by our minds, one that has no basis in reality. Your brain pretends it’s searching for echất lượng and equity but in reality it just wants more, better and easier.

There is no such thing as “fair” according lớn the Universe, because everything is always in balance, which means there is no unfairness… which means there is no need for a concept of fairness at all.

Life is balanced by death, rich is balanced by poor, sickness is balanced by health, but balance itself cannot be balanced out by something else. Newton’s Laws of Physics show us clearly that everything is perfectly balanced overall. Nothing in, nothing out; action, reaction.

Everything is fair, so nothing is fair.

But that doesn’t matter khổng lồ your ego though, does it? Your ego doesn’t actually mean “balanced” when it complains about unfairness. Your idea of a fair life has nothing khổng lồ do with balance, which already exists anyway.

Your idea of fair is you getting what you want.

Admit it. “Fair” is all the resources you need, all the love sầu you desire, and the world functioning according to lớn your morals, principles & ethics. That’s what you think is fair.

Of course, your ego fails lớn mention that if you were khổng lồ somehow achieve this fairness, others would suffer horribly.

For you to lớn get resources, someone else must đại bại theirs. For you to lớn get the love you desire, someone must take their attention away from someone else to give sầu to lớn you. And the world functioning by your ethics could easily become a dystopian nightmare – you probably have sầu no idea how a massive sầu population living like you would actually function.

I shudder to lớn think what a world of people who all thought the same as me would look like.

The Universe can never be fair.

Not only is fairness a completely selfish and subjective sầu term that’s so chất lượng to each individual as to lớn be totally impossible khổng lồ actually implement, certain principles prevent echất lượng or balance of outcomes anyway (e.g. the 80/trăng tròn Parekhổng lồ Principle). Even if we could all agree on what “fair” means, the way of the world và Laws of Physics prevent it coming true.

Instead, I urge you lớn consider a slightly different concept: Respect.

Respect is a value that incorporates and accepts unfairness, that is khổng lồ say: respect is about allowing the Universe lớn behave sầu differently than your idealistic fantasies.

Respect means looking at your life – your personality, abilities, options và circumstances – & saying, “These are the cards I’ve been dealt; this is what I must play with.”

Respect means looking at this crazy human race and saying “Yup, they’re crazy; those are the people I have sầu to lớn work with, around or through.”

Respect means looking at that dream world in your head & saying, “There’s no evidence that supports this dream coming true, but there is a reality out there I can try to make the most of.”

Respect means saying, “It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about how I play the game.”

Letting go of the dream of fairness was hard for me, but it was also inevitable. It’s impossible lớn hold onto lớn something untrue for long, especially when it’s impossible to find a single piece of evidence to lớn support it.

There’s nothing about the Universe that supports any individual’s idea of fairness, because even if you vì think life is fair, that simply means you’re getting what you want… which isn’t fair on the rest of us who aren’t! You can’t have sầu fairness without creating unfairness – because the Universe is balanced overall already anyway.

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The Universe is not fair, but it can be respected. You can work with the cards you’ve sầu been dealt as best as possible. First, you must let go of your fantasies và iđơn hàng. Then, and only then, you can make a life worth respecting, even if it means fighting against unfairness every day of your life.

For more on learning how to lớn live sầu by your values, kiểm tra out the Discover Your Chip Core Values course in the BROJO University

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